HELP! I Need a Custody Schedule!

One of the first big decisions divorced or divorcing parents face is figuring out a custody schedule. And let’s be honest—none of them are perfect. Every option comes with trade-offs, and what works for one family might feel totally wrong for another.

In this post, I want to walk you through some of the most common shared 50/50 custody schedules, why you might choose each one, and some things I’ve learned—both from personal experience and from the many women I’ve worked with.

Common Custody Schedules (and Why You Might Choose Them)

2-2-3 Schedule

This one is usually best for very young kids who aren’t in school and thus don’t really care what day of the week they are at which house.  It’s also good when 3 days is the longest parents want to be away from the kids at a stretch. It rotates like this:

• Parent A: Monday–Tuesday

• Parent B: Wednesday–Thursday

• Parent A: Weekend 1

• Parent B: Monday-Tuesday

• Parent A: Wednesday-Thursday

• Parent B: Weekend 2

  
  

So one week you have the kids Monday and Tuesday, then again Friday–Sunday. The next week, you get them Wednesday and Thursday. It’s great for maintaining frequent contact with both parents, but the transitions are constant.  Another issue is that you never have any day of the week that’s always available, so if you want to do salsa classes one night per week, it’s not possible to work around your kid schedule.

2-2-5-5 Schedule

This is what I’ve done with my kids since we divorced. It’s a little more stable and looks like:

• Parent A: Monday–Tuesday

• Parent B: Wednesday–Thursday

• Then weekends alternate, giving each parent a five-day stretch

  
  

It still offers frequent contact, but with fewer transitions than the 2-2-3. When my kids were younger (7 and 9), this setup gave them the predictability they needed and gave me enough time to settle into our days without feeling like I was constantly saying goodbye.  It also means that if you need to schedule longer work days when you don’t have kids, you can fit those in on the same day each week.  A downside of this schedule is that when kids are younger 5 days can feel long.  

Week-on, Week-off (7 and 7)

This is the cleanest, simplest schedule—and often works well for older kids. Each parent has the kids for a full week at a time. The fewer transitions can mean less conflict if handoffs are tense or emotionally charged. As the kids get older, if you need to take a Monday evening meeting every week, it's less of a big deal for them to fend for themselves.

That said, a whole week can feel like a long stretch—especially when you’re just starting out. One thing that can help is a midweek dinner date with the parent who’s “off.” You can keep that connection strong without disrupting the rhythm of the week. I haven’t tried 7 and 7 yet, but as my kids get older and we all desire fewer transitions, I’m thinking about it.

A Few Lessons I’ve Learned

Clarity and Consistency are Important

Not all kids struggle with transitions, but I find that having a well-defined and concrete custody schedule makes it more likely things will go well.  When the kids aren’t sure where they will be at any given point in the future, it’s often unsettling for them.  Also, constant negotiation about who has the kids when, because your schedule is too flexible can engender conflict.  Do yourself a favor and pick a schedule and stick to it.  Of course changes happen, but they should be the exception not the rule. 

Transitions are a big deal.

If your co-parenting relationship is high-conflict, frequent transitions can be brutal. Even when communication is civil, kids can feel the stress of bouncing back and forth. In those cases, longer stretches with fewer handoffs—like 7 and 7—might be worth exploring.

Even when there isn’t conflict, I find that my kids are impacted by moving between houses.  My ex and I are very different and I imagine that for them the contrast can be confronting on transition days.  Some things that can ease the transition:

• Make transition days low-energy– get takeout, lay off the playdates

• Transition at school.  This means less contact and potential conflict between parents

• Communicate essentials with a handoff note rather than in-person at handoffs– also saves conflict and time

• Keep two of the essentials– the fewer things you need to pack the better.

• For things that have to travel between houses like sports equipment that can’t be duplicated–Make it the parents’ responsibility to transport the stuff between homes rather than the kids’

• Don’t quiz the kids when they arrive-give them some breathing room to settle in

There’s no one-size-fits-all.

What works now may not work a year from now. And that’s okay. Your kids will grow. Your lives will shift. Custody schedules can (and often do) evolve over time.

I’d love to hear what’s worked for your family—or what you’re considering. Have you tried any of these schedules? Did one feel better than another? Let me know in the comments.